[25 Apr 2007|03:49pm] Dear God: I didn't go to mass last Sunday morning. Signed: Conroy Conroy: Don't worry about it. It was a nice day. I don't know who built the church, but I made the sunshine. Signed: God COMMENT

[22 Apr 2007|03:35pm] Dear God: I went to school with a kid named Norman Geltz. Norman had perfect handwriting, perfect workbook pages, perfect attendance, and was a perfect pain. Most of us ignored Norman Geltz except on test days when we all wanted to be near him. Norman had, absolutely, all the answers. Our homeroom teacher told us that if we wanted to do well in life, we should be more like Norman Geltz, and she made us feel guilty that we weren't. Norman didn't enjoy life. I rarely saw him smile and I never saw him laugh. Norman Geltz reminds me a lot of you. Signed: Conroy Conroy: Not surprising. All religions have worked hard to give you the impression that I'm a stiff; the kind of guy you'd never invite to a party. Walk into a church with a friend and you find yourself using a tone of voice that you normally use only at a funeral home in front of an open casket. I could never understand why human silence is a sign of respect while the sound of a human voice, saying the usual things, is supposedly a sign of disrespect. And the most disrespectful thing that a person can do in a house of God, according to those who think they own them, is to laugh. I like laughter and the people who do it; from the twitterers to the chucklers to those whose laughter roars out in a gallop of explosions. To me, laughter is taking a bite out of life and saying, "Just right." It's no accident that most of you are stuck with a dismal image of me. According to the majority of organized religions, life is nothing more that a trial where, as your judge, I determine whether you go to heaven or hell. Where every day is a lump in the throat that's hard to swallow. Not exactly a laughable situation. But maybe they're wrong. Maybe, just maybe, your life isn't a trial but a sample of what's to come. Maybe I'm giving you some heaven and hell right here just to see which one you really prefer. Letting you choose your own eternity. If that's the case, then many of you are choosing a hell of frowning faces, bad moods, constant complaining, uncomfortable suspicions, and rainy weekends. And heaven? Ah, that'll be a lot of laughs. Signed: God COMMENT

[17 Apr 2007|10:15pm] Dear God: Why do people die? Signed: Conroy Conroy: Most people do not die. They cease to exist. In order to die, you first have to live. Don't forget, you owe me for two Cokes including deposits if you don't bring the bottles back. Signed: God COMMENT

[14 Dec 2006|12:13am] i'm so happy that tomorrow is tomorrow. 3 COMMENT

[23 Nov 2006|01:21pm] i went to the rolling stones concert last night; it was my second time seeing them. i was so very close to them! the stage went out into the audience. keith sang two songs; he is so cute in a grandpa sort of way. mick has so much energy i don't know how he does it. happy thanksgiving! COMMENT

[21 Sep 2006|03:25pm] Don't expect anyone to know what you want for Christmas if you don't tell them. 3 COMMENT

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